Too Soonjokes

The feds took over DC's police in August. Crime dropped, they said. It's easy to drop crime when you redefine "crime" as "whatever's left after the tourists leave."

A National Guardsman deployed to fight crime in D.C. pulled a gun on another soldier over a haircut. He'll be charged by his own task force. He's its first documented success.

Troops on the streets of American cities. The Guard's job is to stand next to a Starbucks and look like a policy.

A group in flip-flops with drones declared a blockade on a country with a $75 billion defense budget. The drones cost $2,000. The defense budget is now a subscription to being surprised.

A Russian strike killed thirteen in Kyiv overnight while the peace plan sits at 28 points. None of them is "stop."

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.