Too Soonjokes

Bitcoin dropped 40%. The people who called it "digital gold" are now calling it "a long-term play," which is what you say about a marriage after the affair.

Dick Cheney died at 84. The man who sent a generation to Iraq outlived most of them, which was the plan.

SNAP benefits lapsed during the shutdown. Forty-two million people missed a meal so that 535 people could hold a press conference about meals.

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.

The president marked 9/11 with a steel beam from the World Trade Center at a ceremony near the White House. The beam has been to more solemn events than most of the people standing next to it.

Persona 6 dropped and the reviews say it's a masterpiece about mental health, friendship, and fighting your inner darkness. So it's therapy for $70, which is still $130 cheaper than the real thing and the demons have better voice acting.