Too Soonjokes

Day 196. The president says the war ends "immediately after the election." The troops don't have an election. They have a deployment, a hip, and a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

The US cut foreign access to its best AI models. So the machine that will replace American workers is now Made in America, for America, replacing Americans first. Buy local.

Day 200 of the war is Sunday. Two hundred days. The Pentagon has a name for every tanker it's sunk, the president has a date for when it ends, and the troops have a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

Two earthquakes hit Venezuela and killed 2,000 people. Within two months, America had a deal for 65 billion barrels of their oil. We sent thoughts, prayers, and a drilling schedule.

The Oscars ran four hours and gave out 23 statues. The winners thanked their agents, their mothers, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear.

India held elections in four states and governments flipped in three. A billion people changed their minds in three weeks. In America it takes four years and a lawsuit.