Too Soonjokes

March Madness: 68 teams, 40 million brackets, and one guy in your office who picked Michigan and won't shut up until Christmas.

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.

NBA players were feeding injury info to gamblers. So the "load management" was for the sportsbook.

Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.

NFL kickoff is Thursday. Roger Goodell makes $64 million a year and the league has a gambling scandal, a concussion settlement, and a halftime show that's a culture war. He's the only commissioner who's been booed by more people than the referees, and he's never once thrown a flag.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."