Too Soonjokes

Two hundred and fifty years old and the country still can't pass a budget on time. America isn't a nation, it's your uncle.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

Bad Bunny did the halftime show in Spanish. Forty million Americans discovered they could be angry at a language for 13 minutes and still know every word by the end.

Twenty-five years after 9/11, the airport still makes you take off your shoes, and the country's at war in the same neighborhood. Never forget. We didn't. We just didn't learn either.

Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.