You can't sue over Roundup anymore. The company's stock went up and the patients' prognosis didn't. The market has spoken, and it's the only party without a diagnosis.
Related jokes
The Supreme Court blocked cancer patients from suing over Roundup. It kills weeds, people, and lawsuits.
by Anonymous · 67% say too soon (165 votes)
Andrew Garfield plays Sam Altman in a biopic called Artificial. The man whose company automated the screenwriter is now being played by an actor whose job the company is also automating. Two paychecks, one funeral.
by Anonymous · 70% say too soon (105 votes)
Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.
by Anonymous · 34% say too soon (308 votes)
The Army's top civilian quit after fighting with the Defense Secretary. First person to leave the Pentagon this year without a group chat leak.
by Anonymous · 69% say too soon (200 votes)
Every AI company promised to cure cancer. So far they've cured customer service, entry-level jobs, and the ability to know if a photo is real. Cancer's next, they say. Cancer says the same thing.
by Anonymous · 33% say too soon (759 votes)
SpaceX is worth $1.77 trillion. The company that wants to leave the planet finally got the money to do it, and the rest of us are the security deposit.
by Anonymous · 28% say too soon (625 votes)
or with a username