Too Soonjokes

Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

The sun went dark over Portugal for two minutes and everyone lost their minds. In Michigan we call that a Tuesday in November.

Bad Bunny did the halftime show in Spanish. Forty million Americans discovered they could be angry at a language for 13 minutes and still know every word by the end.

The Louvre heist took eight minutes. The renovation plan to prevent it started in 2025 and won't finish until 2031. Crime moves at the speed of a moped and safety moves at the speed of a committee.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. and the Batman rights. The Dark Knight will now be recommended to you next to a Norwegian baking show and a documentary about a cult.