Too Soonjokes

Persona 6 dropped and the reviews say it's a masterpiece about mental health, friendship, and fighting your inner darkness. So it's therapy for $70, which is still $130 cheaper than the real thing and the demons have better voice acting.

The Pope blessed the tallest tower of the Sagrada Família. Construction started in 1882. It's the only building on earth slower than a Detroit road crew, and it has better excuses.

Google Pixel 11 preorders opened. Better camera, smarter assistant, and it still can't get your mother to text you back.

Sixty-five billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, now American. Maduro's watching from a Manhattan jail with a public defender and better dental than the country he ran.

Return-to-office mandates are back. Companies want you in a building they can't afford, so they can watch you do the job you did better at home. It's a hostage negotiation with free coffee.

A pop star married a tight end at MSG. Thousands stood outside a wedding they weren't invited to. That's not fandom, that's a vigil with better outfits.