Too Soonjokes

Twenty-five years since 9/11, and the TSA is restoring gate access for people without tickets. It took a quarter century to let Grandma back to the gate. Your shoes still come off.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Twenty-five years, two wars, one new one, $8 trillion, 4.7 million dead, and the TSA is finally letting you back to the gate. It took a quarter century to get Grandma past security. It took eleven minutes to get a $5,000 bribe into a speech.

Twenty-five years, and the president says two firefighters carried him from the rubble. Footage shows him on TV that morning. The last man who wasn't there has the most detailed memory, and the men who were there have the shortest life expectancy.

The 9/11 anniversary is Friday. Twenty-five years. The airport security we built afterward still takes your water bottle, and the House wants to privatize it. Never forget, and never get through the line either.