Every acceptance speech thanks the agent, the mother, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear. The mother gets the least, which is the industry.
Related jokes
The Oscars ran four hours and gave out 23 statues. The winners thanked their agents, their mothers, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear.
by Anonymous · 49% say too soon (133 votes)
Sunday's Emmys will run four hours and give out 25 statues. The winners will thank their agents, their mothers, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear.
by Anonymous · 52% say too soon (60 votes)
SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.
by Anonymous · 37% say too soon (287 votes)
The median home price is $420,000 and the median salary is $60,000. The math works if you don't eat, which the diet industry has been recommending for years.
by Anonymous · 57% say too soon (188 votes)
Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.
by Anonymous · 82% say too soon (73 votes)
Ronaldinho signed with Ravenna in Italy's third division at 46. He said "let the magic begin." His agent said "let the appearance fee clear."
by Anonymous · 28% say too soon (137 votes)
or with a username