Too Soonjokes

Iran hit tankers, we hit the coast, the Houthis took a port, and oil's at $100. On the 9/11 anniversary, the Middle East is the one thing America has consistently remembered to bomb for 25 years.

CENTCOM destroyed five Iranian oil tankers in one night and posted the video. Iran fired 20 missiles at a base in Jordan and hit sand. The war's now a group chat where one side sends videos and the other sends threats.

The Houthis took a port, Iran hit a base, we hit a coast, Rubio said "it depends," and Bessent bought $6 billion in bonds. That's not a foreign policy. That's a group project the night before it's due.

Goldman Sachs says oil could go higher if the tanker attacks continue. Goldman Sachs also owns the tankers, the insurance on the tankers, and the fund that bet on the tankers. They call it "analysis." The rest of us call it a receipt.

The Navy has now sunk eight Iranian tankers in a week. Iran's navy has seized one underwater drone. That's not a war, that's a fishing trip where one side has a submarine and the other has a net.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.