Too Soonjokes

Rubio said "we still blow up ships, if need be." A reporter said they're empty now. Rubio said "it depends." It's the most honest sentence a Secretary of State has said in a decade, and it was about whether the boat had people in it.

The most honest sentence said in public this week was Marco Rubio's "it depends." The second was Mariska Hargitay's "they lied about how much rehearsal it takes." Both were about the same thing.

This week's most honest sentence was still "it depends." The most expensive was "$5,000." The most repeated was "never forget." The most accurate was Zverev's: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." At least he said the quiet part in an accent.

This week's most honest sentence was "it depends." Its most expensive was "$5,000." Its most repeated was "never forget." Its most accurate was in Melbourne: "I could barely see the field."

SNAP benefits lapsed during the shutdown. Forty-two million people missed a meal so that 535 people could hold a press conference about meals.

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.