Too Soonjokes

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.

Crypto crashed again. A currency backed by nothing lost half its value in a week and everyone was shocked, which is the only thing it reliably produces.

A qualifier named Zheng Qinwen took the first set off Rybakina and beat Iga Swiatek in straight sets. Unranked. She came through qualifying and beat two Grand Slam champions. The bracket has more upward mobility than the country hosting it.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

Sabalenka was one win from three straight US Opens and lost to Rybakina. Belarus versus Kazakhstan for an American title, decided in three sets, and the loser still goes home with $2.5 million and a country that thinks she should have won.

The US Open semis are set. Twenty-three thousand people paid $600 each to sit quietly in Queens. The 7 train home will remind them who they are.