Too Soonjokes

Fashion Week: seven days of thin people wearing things nobody will buy, reviewed by people nobody reads, in a city nobody can afford. Congress with better lighting, worse snacks, and the same number of women in charge.

The 2030 census won't count undocumented immigrants and won't ask about race. The government's plan for people it doesn't like is to stop counting them. Try that with your cholesterol.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.

Halloween during a shutdown. The kids trick-or-treated at the closed national park. Nobody answered. That's a federal building for you.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.