Too Soonjokes

This week we had a war, a cockpit incident, a carrier group, a pope in France and a strikeout record. The news cycle is just doomscrolling with a budget.

The Emirates left OPEC after 58 years. The oil cartel is now the Saudis and a group chat, which is also the Middle East peace process.

Trump says the war is "3 to 4 weeks away" from ending, but also the threat could be wiped out "in one night." So somewhere between a long weekend and a Netflix limited series.

Trump on Iran: "I'm trying to be nice, we've got to deal with somebody." Same speech every guy gives right before his third divorce.

The U.S. is deporting people to third countries they've never been to. It's like a cruise where the excursion is your whole life.

Tyson laid off 2,500 workers by text with zero notice on Labor Day weekend. The chickens had a schedule. The workers had a group chat.