Too Soonjokes

Halloween during a shutdown. The kids trick-or-treated at the closed national park. Nobody answered. That's a federal building for you.

Mark Carney hit Kentucky bourbon, Florida oranges, and Wisconsin motorcycles with counter-tariffs. He didn't retaliate against America. He retaliated against three specific senators, politely, with a receipt.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Mayweather-Pacquiao 2 is this month. Floyd is 49. Manny is 47 and a Philippine senator. It's the first boxing match where one fighter can be censured by a legislature for a low blow.

Congress funded the government through December 11. It's hospice care with a press release.