Too Soonjokes

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private facility gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's a line item, signed at 2 a.m.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Dave Bautista showed off his body transformation to play Kratos in God of War. He's 57 and getting shredded to play a god who murders his family. In Hollywood that's not a role, that's a retirement plan.

Tupac's killer was convicted in Las Vegas after 30 years. He'd been telling the story on camera for a decade. Vegas finally found the one guy who didn't understand what happens in Vegas.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.