Too Soonjokes

JD Vance cut 870,000 people off from federal loans for "suspected" pandemic fraud and used the word "screwed" at a podium. Nobody's been charged. It's the first time the federal government has sentenced people to a vocabulary word.

Bitcoin dropped 40%. The people who called it "digital gold" are now calling it "a long-term play," which is what you say about a marriage after the affair.

Dick Cheney died at 84. The man who sent a generation to Iraq outlived most of them, which was the plan.

SNAP benefits lapsed during the shutdown. Forty-two million people missed a meal so that 535 people could hold a press conference about meals.

Trump called Iran's military "completely gone." He also said it would end soon back in March. At this point "ending soon" is like a CVS receipt. It never ends.

Election is Nov 3. The World Series ends around Halloween. Which means for one week America gets to watch two teams no one cares about and two parties no one likes.