Too Soonjokes

Longest shutdown in history. Air traffic controllers worked for free while Congress debated whose fault it was, from an airport lounge, on a flight that was late.

Houthis keep hitting Saudi airports. Spirit Airlines is the only other carrier with that many cancellations.

Trump says the war is "3 to 4 weeks away" from ending, but also the threat could be wiped out "in one night." So somewhere between a long weekend and a Netflix limited series.

JD Vance cut 870,000 people off from federal loans for "suspected" pandemic fraud and used the word "screwed" at a podium. Nobody's been charged. It's the first time the federal government has sentenced people to a vocabulary word.

Ten million dollars on Texas ads. The ads will say the other guy is a socialist. The other guy is also a Republican. This is how you find out the word doesn't mean anything.

Wimbledon: two weeks of white outfits, grass courts, and rich people saying "shh." It's a country club with a broadcast deal.