Too Soonjokes

Australia banned social media for kids under 16. Ten million teenagers lost their phones in a day. The suicide hotline got busier and the birth rate didn't.

Australia banned kids from social media. Teenagers responded by going outside, where the snakes are. It's a country-wide dare.

Australia banned social media for kids and got the NFL on Netflix at 8 a.m. The teenagers can't see TikTok, but they can watch grown men get concussed before school. That's cultural exchange.

Australia banned social media for kids, and American parents said "that's extreme." Then they handed their 8-year-old an iPad at dinner to stop the screaming. The ban is coming. It's just coming from the kid.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.