Pope Leo made a historic visit to France. First American pope in Paris. He tipped at the café and they nearly excommunicated him.

Paris has overnight curfews after protests got out of control. A French protest out of control? That's like saying water got a little wet.

A trade truce with China, a ceasefire talk with Iran, and a three-day peace at my in-laws'. Only one of those is actually holding, and it's because of edibles.

The UK is sending Typhoon jets to defend Saudi Arabia. Britain hasn't been this involved in the Middle East since they drew the borders with a crayon.

China paused October fuel exports and the White House is begging France and Germany for diesel. America went from "drill baby drill" to "can we borrow a cup of diesel."

Witkoff is going to Norway, then Russia, while Kushner joins "virtually." Peace in our time, brought to you by two real estate guys and Zoom.

America this week: rejecting peace plans, begging France for diesel, and watching baseball on Peacock. A superpower in its "it's complicated" era.

This week we had a war, a cockpit incident, a carrier group, a pope in France and a strikeout record. The news cycle is just doomscrolling with a budget.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.

Cuba embraced capitalism. The good news is they'll finally get Amazon. The bad news is they'll finally get Amazon.

A golf resort displaced a cemetery in Vietnam. It's the first time a golf course has sent anyone to the afterlife faster than the sand trap.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Two earthquakes hit Venezuela and killed 2,000 people. Within two months, America had a deal for 65 billion barrels of their oil. We sent thoughts, prayers, and a drilling schedule.

The State Department says Cuba infiltrated American leftist groups. A country that can't keep the lights on is running the DSA. The DSA also can't keep the lights on, so it tracks.

The State Department says Cuba is running American leftist groups. A country that can't keep the lights on is running the DSA. The DSA also can't keep the lights on, so it tracks.

Australia banned social media for kids under 16. Ten million teenagers lost their phones in a day. The suicide hotline got busier and the birth rate didn't.

China's parade showed off hypersonic missiles, underwater drones, and robot wolves. America responded with a strongly worded tariff.

A glacier collapsed and took a valley with it. Ice, it turns out, has a deadline. Congress might want to look into that.

Under-16s can't use TikTok in Australia now. So the kids are back to learning bad ideas the old way: from other kids.

Australia banned kids from social media. Teenagers responded by going outside, where the snakes are. It's a country-wide dare.

A robot car in a city of roundabouts. It'll circle for three hours, which is the closest a machine has come to a British commute.

Health workers in Congo are getting older Ebola vaccines because the new ones ran short. The outbreak's in seven provinces, burial teams make $20 a day, and the fix is last year's shot. It got less coverage than a tight end.

Trump meets Xi next week and China is urging both the U.S. and Iran back to the table. The country that buys Iran's oil and sells us the phones is now the mediator. It's a divorce where the marriage counselor is also the landlord.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter, then Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave it Chernobyl and a 28-point peace plan.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

Norway's wealth fund is pulling $80 billion out of U.S. Treasuries. A country of five million that runs on fish and oil just told a country of 340 million it doesn't trust the paperwork. The paperwork is the dollar.

Sixty-five billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, now American. Maduro's watching from a Manhattan jail with a public defender and better dental than the country he ran.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

This week's most honest sentence was "it depends." Its most expensive was "$5,000." Its most repeated was "never forget." Its most accurate was in Melbourne: "I could barely see the field."

Norway's wealth fund is pulling $80 billion out of Treasuries. A country of five million that runs on fish and oil told a country of 340 million it doesn't trust the paperwork. The paperwork is the dollar. The fish are fine.

Venezuela: president captured in January, earthquake in June, oil in August. That's not a country anymore. That's a quarterly report.

Norway's wealth fund is pulling $80 billion out of Treasuries and France just got downgraded. The countries that run on fish and wine are telling the country that runs on debt it doesn't trust the paperwork. The paperwork is everyone's.

Australia banned social media for kids, and American parents said "that's extreme." Then they handed their 8-year-old an iPad at dinner to stop the screaming. The ban is coming. It's just coming from the kid.

A glacier collapsed in the Himalayas and the flood killed 900 people. Scientists warned about this for 20 years. Turns out the glacier read the report and we didn't.

The NFL's Melbourne game drew 100,021 people and the front row couldn't see the field. The league sold a rectangle in an oval. Geometry calls it a refund. The NFL calls it the fastest-growing market in the world.

The US now controls 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, eight months after grabbing the president. Marco Rubio called it "a partnership." So is a payday loan.

A regular-season NFL game in Australia at 8 a.m. their time. Fans in Melbourne will watch football before work. Fans in Detroit will watch it at 4 a.m. and call in sick, which is a Michigan tradition older than the Lions' last title.

Cuba went free market. Sixty years of embargo and what finally broke them was the last guy in Havana wanting an iPhone.

China held a military parade to mark 80 years since the end of World War II. Nothing says "never again" like 12,000 soldiers goose-stepping past a nuclear missile.

A glacier collapsed and killed 900 people. Climate change has moved from "warning" to doing it in front of you to see if you react.

We rang in 2026 and three days later we invaded Venezuela. That's not a new year, that's a hangover with a fleet.

They caught the Louvre thieves in weeks. The jewels are gone forever. France solved the case and lost the point, which is also how they do wars.

Venezuela lost 50,000 people in an earthquake and America showed up with flowers. And a drilling permit.

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, DC, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns Batman, the news, and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Norway's wealth fund is dumping $80 billion in Treasuries. A country of five million that runs on fish and oil told a country of 340 million it doesn't trust the paperwork. The paperwork is the dollar. The fish are fine.

Ebola hit a seventh Congolese province. It's the fastest-growing outbreak on record in the east, and burial teams make $20 a day. It got less coverage than a folding phone. The algorithm has a passport and it doesn't go there.

Myles Garrett flew 16 hours to Melbourne, recorded zero of anything, and admitted the knee is worse than anyone said. The Rams traded for a $40 million defender and got a very expensive seat upgrade.

Sinner defended Wimbledon and the crowd ate $12 strawberries in silence. The most British thing about tennis is paying to be quiet.

Australia won the women's T20 World Cup for the seventh time. They beat England, which is the only thing the whole Commonwealth can agree on.

Canada, France, and the UK banned trade with Israeli settlements. Three countries that used to run empires are now boycotting a subdivision. Progress has a strange shape and a slow clock.

Myles Garrett flew sixteen hours to Melbourne and recorded zero tackles, zero sacks, zero hits, then admitted the knee's worse than he said. The Rams traded for a $40 million defender and got a very expensive passenger.

A Russian warship fired flares at a Danish helicopter and accused Denmark of aggression. Then Denmark got "cautiously optimistic" about handing Greenland to Washington. Denmark's had a month. Lego and insulin deserve better.

Algeria cut diplomatic ties with the UAE and closed its airspace to Emirati planes. Commercial flights are exempt until the end of the year. So the countries are at war but the tourists have until December. That's not a rupture, that's a return policy.

Australia banned social media for kids and got the NFL on Netflix at 8 a.m. The teenagers can't see TikTok, but they can watch grown men get concussed before school. That's cultural exchange.

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, Batman, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns the news and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

This week the country's most honest sentence was "it depends," its most expensive was "$5,000," and its most repeated was "never forget." The most accurate one was in Melbourne: "I could barely see the field." Same.

The 49ers play the Rams in Melbourne tonight on Netflix. Two California teams flew 16 hours to play at 8 a.m. Australian time. The kickoff's an ad for a streaming service, the game's an ad for jet lag.

Fetterman said he'll work with Trump to "defend the steel way of life." The steel mill behind him was sold to a Japanese company last year. He's defending a way of life that already got a work visa.

The $5,000 dividend costs $1.3 trillion. Treasury yields are at 2007 levels. Norway's dumping $80 billion in bonds. So the plan is to borrow money nobody wants to lend, to pay voters to elect the people who borrowed it. The Founders would call it a monarchy. Goldman calls it a Thursday.