Too Soonjokes

Sunday's Emmys will run four hours and give out 25 statues. The winners will thank their agents, their mothers, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear.

Every acceptance speech thanks the agent, the mother, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear. The mother gets the least, which is the industry.

Alex Gibney's Musk documentary premiered in Venice at nearly four hours. Four hours. The man's already bought a social network, a government, and a trillion dollars. Now he's taken a whole afternoon.

Awards season is here: the Emmys Monday, the VMAs on the 27th, Venice this week, Toronto next. Four months of rich people thanking God for the thing their agent negotiated. God has never once been in the room, but He's always thanked, like a landlord.

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.

Dave Bautista showed off his body transformation to play Kratos in God of War. He's 57 and getting shredded to play a god who murders his family. In Hollywood that's not a role, that's a retirement plan.