Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.

Dave Bautista showed off his body transformation to play Kratos in God of War. He's 57 and getting shredded to play a god who murders his family. In Hollywood that's not a role, that's a retirement plan.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. and the Batman rights. The Dark Knight will now be recommended to you next to a Norwegian baking show and a documentary about a cult.

CNN now belongs to Netflix. The news will be autoplaying, skippable, and recommended to you next to a Korean cooking show. That's an improvement.

The Michael Jackson biopic made $600 million. It covers his early career and stops right before the part everyone paid to see.

The Michael Jackson biopic is the second highest-grossing music biopic ever. The highest is about Freddie Mercury. Hollywood has learned that the audience wants a genius and a tragedy, and will pay extra if it's the same guy.

The Postal Service will now throw out a whole batch of ballots if one is off. Same outfit that delivered my neighbor's mail to me for ten years.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. for $83 billion. So the company that cancels shows after one season now owns HBO. Enjoy the last season of everything.

Sinners got 16 nominations and won four. It's about vampires in Mississippi. Hollywood finally made a movie about the South's actual history.

The Oscars ran four hours and gave out 23 statues. The winners thanked their agents, their mothers, and God, in that order, which is also the order the checks clear.

Paramount tried a hostile bid for Warner Bros. after Netflix's deal. Two studios fighting over a third. It's the only franchise Hollywood still knows how to make.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

There's a Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

The Postal Service will now reject a whole batch of ballots if one is off. Same outfit that delivered my neighbor's mail to me for ten years is now the last line of defense for democracy.

Christmas 2025: gifts up 15% from tariffs, a shutdown hangover, and a Netflix login that now includes CNN. Peace on earth was not on sale.

A judge blocked Paramount's $110 billion takeover of Warner Bros. It's the first time in history anyone's been stopped from buying HBO just to cancel it.

The Venice Film Festival premiered a Musk documentary and an Altman biopic in the same week. The most glamorous film festival on earth spent it on two men who think movies are a waste of compute.

A Michael Jackson movie made $600 million worldwide. The producers said it was about the music. So was the trial.

Andrew Garfield plays Sam Altman in a biopic called Artificial. The man whose company automated the screenwriter is now being played by an actor whose job the company is also automating. Two paychecks, one funeral.

The four-hour Musk documentary opens October 16, the same day as iPhone preorders. That's not a release date. That's a hostage exchange with concessions.

Practical Magic 2 was written by three screenwriters, produced by both stars, and based on a book nobody read. That's not a sequel, that's a settlement.

A Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

Twenty-five years after 9/11, the airport still makes you take off your shoes, and the country's at war in the same neighborhood. Never forget. We didn't. We just didn't learn either.

Netflix acquired Warner Bros. Discovery. HBO, CNN, and DC Comics, all now available with ads. Even Superman has a mid-roll.

Marilyn Monroe would have turned 100. She died at 36 and has been on more merchandise than most people who lived to 90. In Hollywood the best career move is still the one she made.

One Battle After Another won six Oscars, including Best Picture. It's a movie about revolutionaries who lose. The Academy loves a documentary.

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, DC, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns Batman, the news, and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.

Alex Gibney's Musk documentary premiered in Venice at nearly four hours. Four hours. The man's already bought a social network, a government, and a trillion dollars. Now he's taken a whole afternoon.

A Sam Altman biopic and a Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started on the ones who could sue, then had both scripts checked by their products.

Alex Gibney has made films about Enron, Scientology, torture, WikiLeaks, and Theranos. Now Musk. The man's filmography is a list of things that were fine until someone looked. His next subject will be the audience.

Practical Magic 2 has three screenwriters, two producing stars, and one book nobody read. That's not a sequel, that's a settlement with a soundtrack.

I Love Lucy is getting the first Emmy Legacy Award, 75 years after it aired. Lucille Ball was 40 when the show started and Hollywood considered her finished. She outlived the studio, the network's original owners, and every man who said no. That's the legacy. The statue's a formality.

Australia banned social media for kids and got the NFL on Netflix at 8 a.m. The teenagers can't see TikTok, but they can watch grown men get concussed before school. That's cultural exchange.

A $130 million sequel about witches opens the same week as the anniversary of the day the country stopped believing in luck. Warner Bros. is owned by Netflix now. The curse will be recommended to you next to a documentary about a cult. It already is a cult, it's just called a franchise.

The four-hour Musk documentary uses a CGI Elon because he wouldn't sit for it. The richest man alive got replaced by a cheaper computer version of himself. That's his plan for everyone else, demonstrated on him.

Practical Magic 2 opened yesterday. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witches whose curse kills every man they love. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up. Also true of most marriages, and the Rams' defense.

The four-hour Musk documentary uses a CGI Elon because he wouldn't sit for it. The richest man alive got replaced by a cheaper computer version of himself. That's not a documentary, that's his plan for everyone else, demonstrated on him first.

Practical Magic 2 opens today. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are back as witches whose curse says every man they love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up, and honestly, same as most marriages.

Practical Magic 2 cost $130 million and opens against a Resident Evil reboot. Witches versus zombies. Two franchises about women who can't die and men who deserve to.

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, Batman, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns the news and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Andrew Garfield plays Sam Altman in a movie called Artificial. Spider-Man plays the man who built the machine that writes the next Spider-Man. That's not casting, that's a hostage tape.

The Musk documentary premiered with Ashley St. Clair on the red carpet, mother of one of his 14 children. It's the first Venice premiere where the plus-one was also a plot point, and the child support was longer than the credits.

Practical Magic 2 is out. The curse still says every man the witches love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise with a complete arc. Same as most marriages.

Bills-Lions tonight in a brand-new stadium. Two fan bases, one Super Bowl between them combined, and it's the Lions', from a movie they're still writing. The winner of tonight gets to be the favorite until January, when it doesn't matter.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts. OpenAI wants agents. Musk wants Mars. Altman's got a biopic. The five richest people alive are all building the thing that replaces you, and the trailer's in theaters.

The 49ers play the Rams in Melbourne tonight on Netflix. Two California teams flew 16 hours to play at 8 a.m. Australian time. The kickoff's an ad for a streaming service, the game's an ad for jet lag.

Alex Gibney has made films about Enron, Scientology, torture, and Theranos. Now Musk. His filmography is a list of things that were fine until someone looked. His next subject is the audience.

A Resident Evil reboot next week: the seventh film about a corporation that unleashes a virus and lies about it. In 2020 it was horror. In 2026 it's the safety briefing.

Twenty-five years after 9/11 we're at war in the same neighborhood, the airport still confiscates your water, and the Pentagon just polygraphed its own generals. Never forget. We didn't. We also didn't learn.

Matthew Stafford had scored a touchdown in every game last season. The streak ended at 8 a.m. in a cricket stadium on Netflix. That's not a slump, that's a time zone.

Netflix bought Warner Bros., got the NFL in Australia, and is streaming the Emmys' nominees. The company that used to mail you DVDs now owns Batman, Ben Shelton's highlights, and the next thing you'll fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Entertainment this week: a phone that folds, a song that rhymes with itself, a documentary about a man who wouldn't sit for it, and a sequel to a movie about killing your boyfriend. It's not a slate, it's a support group.

Melbourne, Queens, Seattle, Dallas, Venice, and Kuwait made the same day's news. It's 2026. The world's a group text where everyone's typing and the only one who sent was Rubio, and he said "it depends."

The Emmys are Sunday, hosted by Mariska Hargitay, the first woman to host in fifteen years. She's played a sex crimes detective for 27 seasons. Finally, someone with the right resume for a Hollywood awards show.

Netflix bought HBO, CNN, and Warner Bros. in the same year it added ads. The last prestige network on earth now has a mid-roll for a truck. That's not consolidation, that's a hostage situation with a skip button.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.

Awards season is here: the Emmys Monday, the VMAs on the 27th, Venice this week, Toronto next. Four months of rich people thanking God for the thing their agent negotiated. God has never once been in the room, but He's always thanked, like a landlord.

A Resident Evil reboot opens next week. The seventh movie in a franchise about a corporation that unleashes a virus and lies about it. The audience has lived through the sequel; the ticket's just closure.