Too Soonjokes

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

A golf resort displaced a cemetery in Vietnam. It's the first time a golf course has sent anyone to the afterlife faster than the sand trap.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.

A judge blocked Paramount's $110 billion takeover of Warner Bros. It's the first time in history anyone's been stopped from buying HBO just to cancel it.

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.

Haaretz reports the UAE warned Netanyahu of a major Hamas operation ten days before October 7 and he didn't act. It was the most accurate intelligence anyone in the region ever ignored, and it took three years to become a headline.