Too Soonjokes

The Michael Jackson biopic is the second highest-grossing music biopic ever. The highest is about Freddie Mercury. Hollywood has learned that the audience wants a genius and a tragedy, and will pay extra if it's the same guy.

A Michael Jackson movie made $600 million worldwide. The producers said it was about the music. So was the trial.

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.

Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

There's a Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.