Too Soonjokes

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Half of America watched a wedding they weren't invited to and cried. The other half watched their own wedding video and did the same thing for the opposite reason.

Twenty thousand Yemeni families displaced in four days and it ran fifth, behind a folding phone and a wedding. That's not apathy. That's a content calendar.

Thirty-three House Republicans skipped their own convention and the president spoke for 104 minutes anyway. It's a wedding where the groom's side didn't show and the bride read the vows to the caterer.

A pop star married a tight end at MSG. Thousands stood outside a wedding they weren't invited to. That's not fandom, that's a vigil with better outfits.

The World Series starts Friday on Fox. Rays vs. Brewers, two small markets, zero celebrities in the stands. Fox's broadcast will be 40 percent Iran war ads and 60 percent shots of a guy eating cheese.