Too Soonjokes

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

Netflix bought Warner Bros., got the NFL in Australia, and is streaming the Emmys' nominees. The company that used to mail you DVDs now owns Batman, Ben Shelton's highlights, and the next thing you'll fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

The 25th anniversary of 9/11 is tomorrow. Tomorrow's also the day Persona 6 players hit hour 40, the day the Rams wake up in Australia, and the day Shelton plays Tiafoe. The country will hold a moment of silence and then check the score. Never forget, but also, what time's the match.

Sinners got 16 nominations and won four. It's about vampires in Mississippi. Hollywood finally made a movie about the South's actual history.