Too Soonjokes

The Guardian found ICE force-feeding a man on a hunger strike; the census found a way to stop counting people; the Treasury found nobody wants its bonds; and the Seahawks found their quarterback in a CT machine. The theme of the week is discovery. None of it good.

A super PAC is dropping $10 million on Texas. That's $10 million to convince people who made up their minds in 1994.

SNAP benefits lapsed during the shutdown. Forty-two million people missed a meal so that 535 people could hold a press conference about meals.

The defending champs are Alcaraz and Sabalenka. Two people in their twenties who've earned more than your entire family tree, including the ones you're not speaking to.

Two earthquakes hit Venezuela and killed 2,000 people. Within two months, America had a deal for 65 billion barrels of their oil. We sent thoughts, prayers, and a drilling schedule.

Australia banned social media for kids under 16. Ten million teenagers lost their phones in a day. The suicide hotline got busier and the birth rate didn't.