Too Soonjokes

The Grand Canyon flooded. Took six million years to dig and one afternoon to fill.

A glacier collapsed in the Himalayas and the flood killed 900 people. Scientists warned about this for 20 years. Turns out the glacier read the report and we didn't.

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

America celebrated 250 years with a war, a tariff fight, and fireworks in a drought. The Founders would be proud. Mostly of the fireworks.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.