Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.

The Grand Canyon flooded. Took six million years to dig and one afternoon to fill.

The Grand Canyon flooded. Took six million years to dig and one afternoon to fill.

A glacier collapsed in the Himalayas and the flood killed 900 people. Scientists warned about this for 20 years. Turns out the glacier read the report and we didn't.

Lowell hits Niihau first, an island so private most Hawaiians have never set foot on it. Nature's giving a tour.

America celebrated 250 years with a war, a tariff fight, and fireworks in a drought. The Founders would be proud. Mostly of the fireworks.

Lowell is a Category 5 one hour and a 4 the next. It's a drunk deciding whether to drive home. Either way, somebody's roof is leaving.

A glacier collapsed and killed 900 people. Climate change has moved from "warning" to doing it in front of you to see if you react.

Ten inches of rain expected on Kauai. The good news is the chickens can finally leave.

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. FEMA's plan is to show up in October and ask if anyone's still there.

Historic drought in Oregon. The state that won't let you pump your own gas now can't find water for the fire. Somebody's still going to be told to wait in the car.

Hurricane Melissa hit Jamaica as a Category 5. The strongest storm ever to land there. The forecasters had a category for it and the island didn't.

Kauai cleared the campgrounds. The guy who refuses to leave will be found in April, still mad about the parking fee.

The Northwest is having a historic drought and a historic wildfire season at once. The weather finally figured out synergy.

AirPods 5 were announced today. Somewhere a pair of AirPods 4 just fell in a storm drain out of spite.

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. The tourism board's new pitch: "Come for the beaches, stay because the airport's underwater."

The census won't count undocumented immigrants in 2030. So the government's solution to 11 million people is to stop looking. That's also how it handles the deficit, the climate, and the giraffe.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

The Seattle Storm lost a player at the FIBA World Cup while the Seahawks lost their quarterback at home. Seattle's a beautiful city where every athlete eventually leaves on a cart.

Third storm in a month and the governor said "we're hopeful it misses us." Hope is what you call a plan after the budget meeting.

Labor Day, 2026: a war, a trillionaire, a layoff, a hurricane, and a three-day weekend. Enjoy the barbecue. The brisket's up 30%, and so is everything else, except the thing you get paid.