Too Soonjokes

A truck of squid spilled in Rhode Island in August. The town smelled like a New England marriage: something died and nobody wants to deal with it.

Malört set a world record: 1,969 Chicagoans took a shot at once. Mayor Brandon Johnson wasn't there, which is the first time the whole city agreed with a decision he made.

Australia banned kids from social media. Teenagers responded by going outside, where the snakes are. It's a country-wide dare.

ICE is buying robot dogs. The real dogs kept refusing to bite the people who fed them.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

Data centers now use more power than whole states and both parties are running ads against them. The ads were written by AI, served by data centers, and paid for by people who own both. It's a snake eating its tail and billing the tail.