Too Soonjokes

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Hurricane Melissa hit Jamaica as a Category 5. The strongest storm ever to land there. The forecasters had a category for it and the island didn't.

Lowell hits Niihau first, an island so private most Hawaiians have never set foot on it. Nature's giving a tour.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

Historic drought in Oregon. The state that won't let you pump your own gas now can't find water for the fire. Somebody's still going to be told to wait in the car.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.