Too Soonjokes

Ben Johnson is being compared to Bill Walsh after two games in Chicago. Two games. The NFL media's attention span is now shorter than a Bears quarterback's career, and the Bears have had 40 quarterbacks.

The NFL is back. Seventeen weeks of men getting concussed so a guy in Ohio can be mad about his parlay. It's the most American thing on television, and it's also on Amazon now.

Week 2 of the NFL: 32 teams, one league, and a gambling app on every broadcast telling a guy in Ohio his parlay died in the third quarter. The NFL's official stance is that betting is a disease and also the presenting sponsor.

The Rams and 49ers play in Melbourne tonight. Both teams will lose a day to the flight, a day to the game, and one starter to the turf. The NFL calls it "growing the game." The players call it a class-action.

The NFL's Melbourne game drew 100,021 people and the front row couldn't see the field. The league sold a rectangle in an oval. Geometry calls it a refund. The NFL calls it the fastest-growing market in the world.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.