Too Soonjokes

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

Robot dogs at the border. The Secretary who ordered them wrote a book about shooting her actual dog. This is the first time a K-9 unit has ever needed a bodyguard.

The hottest summer on record, again. "On record" is doing a lot of work, because the record is 150 years old and we're setting it annually now, like a subscription.

Australia banned kids from social media. Teenagers responded by going outside, where the snakes are. It's a country-wide dare.

Cooper Manning was on Fox News Monday talking about the NFL season. There are three Manning brothers. One won two Super Bowls, one won two Super Bowls, and one gets to be on television. Genetics is a lottery and so is the tie-breaker.

ICE is buying robot dogs. The real dogs kept refusing to bite the people who fed them.