Too Soonjokes

Hegseth had his own generals polygraphed over leaks. The Defense Secretary who texted war plans to a journalist is now checking whether four-stars can keep a secret. The machine should have been pointed the other way.

Every sequel is proof the studio didn't believe in you the first time. Every reboot is proof they were right. Every biopic is proof you're dead.

Twenty-five years after 9/11 we're at war in the same neighborhood, the airport still confiscates your water, and the Pentagon just polygraphed its own generals. Never forget. We didn't. We also didn't learn.

CENTCOM sank five tankers in one night and posted the video. Day 196. The Pentagon can name every ship it's sunk and can't name the goal.

First week of September: every store has Halloween candy and every dad has an opinion about the thermostat that will outlive him.

Four-star generals hooked up to lie detectors. It's the same treatment as a guest on Maury, with a bigger pension and a worse outcome for everyone else.