Too Soonjokes

Trump called the Iran war "small potatoes" and "not a big thing." Six months, thousands dead, gas at $5. If that's small potatoes, the man's never bought groceries, which we knew.

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.

Trump said the war ends after the election because Iran "can't hold out." Iran's been holding out since 1979. That's 47 years of holding out. The one thing Iran has more of than oil is patience, and we just hit its coast.

The president says he's "not in a hurry" to negotiate with Iran. He's right. Hurry is for people whose house is under the flight path.

The president said Iran is "desperate to affect the election." Iran has 20 missiles that hit sand. The only thing they've affected is the price of the sand.

Trump says the US has "essentially" taken over Iran. Essentially is the word you use when you've taken over the part of Iran that's on fire.