Too Soonjokes

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. FEMA's plan is to show up in October and ask if anyone's still there.

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Labor Day, 2026: a war, a trillionaire, a layoff, a hurricane, and a three-day weekend. Enjoy the barbecue. The brisket's up 30%, and so is everything else, except the thing you get paid.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.

Hurricane Melissa hit Jamaica as a Category 5. The strongest storm ever to land there. The forecasters had a category for it and the island didn't.