Too Soonjokes

The Emmys are Sunday, hosted by Mariska Hargitay, the first woman to host in fifteen years. She's played a sex crimes detective for 27 seasons. Finally, someone with the right resume for a Hollywood awards show.

Mariska Hargitay hosts the Emmys Monday after 27 years as a sex-crimes detective. It's the first time an awards show host arrives with the audience's case file.

The Emmys are Monday with Mariska Hargitay hosting, jokes by Colbert's writers. Twenty-seven years playing a sex crimes detective, then three hours in a room of TV executives. It's the first awards show where the host has the audience's case file.

Mariska Hargitay is hosting the Emmys. She's spent 27 years on Law & Order: SVU. Sunday will be the first time she's in a room full of TV executives without needing a warrant.

Hargitay said she got the call to host while backstage on Broadway and thought she was being fired. Twenty-eight years on NBC and her first instinct when the network calls is "this is it." That's not paranoia, that's tenure.

Practical Magic 2 opened today, 28 years after the first one, about two witches whose men keep dying. The Emmys are Monday. Fashion Week is through the 15th. The country's on fire in four time zones, and Hollywood's offering witches, a red carpet, and a $12,000 coat. That's not escapism, that's a closing argument.