Too Soonjokes

The Emmys hand statues Monday to shows canceled in May, on a network turning 100, streamed for $17 a month. Television is the only industry where the funeral is televised and has a red carpet.

The Emmys hand out statues to shows canceled in May, on a network that's 100, streamed for $17 a month. Television is the only industry where the funeral has a red carpet and the deceased gives a speech.

I Love Lucy is getting the first Emmy Legacy Award, 75 years after it aired. Lucille Ball was 40 when the show started and Hollywood considered her finished. She outlived the studio, the network's original owners, and every man who said no. That's the legacy. The statue's a formality.

A $130 million sequel about witches opens the same week as the anniversary of the day the country stopped believing in luck. Warner Bros. is owned by Netflix now. The curse will be recommended to you next to a documentary about a cult. It already is a cult, it's just called a franchise.

Practical Magic 2 opened yesterday. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witches whose curse kills every man they love. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up. Also true of most marriages, and the Rams' defense.

Practical Magic 2 opens today. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are back as witches whose curse says every man they love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up, and honestly, same as most marriages.