Too Soonjokes

Netflix bought Warner Bros., got the NFL in Australia, and is streaming the Emmys' nominees. The company that used to mail you DVDs now owns Batman, Ben Shelton's highlights, and the next thing you'll fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

This week: a German won the American dream in Queens and didn't notice, the Lions won by one and aged everyone ten years, a horror comedy set the Emmy record, the Supreme Court said mail your ballot, and the vice president cut off 870,000 people with the word "screwed." Tell one. Vote. Watch the Bills game.

The Emmys hand statues Monday to shows canceled in May, on a network turning 100, streamed for $17 a month. Television is the only industry where the funeral is televised and has a red carpet.

The Emmys hand out statues to shows canceled in May, on a network that's 100, streamed for $17 a month. Television is the only industry where the funeral has a red carpet and the deceased gives a speech.

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.

The Pitt won big at the Emmys for a show about an ER where nobody's paid enough and everyone dies on schedule. The nurses who inspired it watched on their break. They get one. Fifteen minutes. The show runs an hour.