Too Soonjokes

A.J. Brown hurt his ankle in the third quarter of his first Patriots game. New England traded for the one thing they lacked in the Super Bowl: a receiver who catches. He caught an injury.

The Patriots traded for A.J. Brown so they'd have a chance in Seattle. New England spent the offseason buying the one thing it lacked in February: a receiver who can catch. That was the plan last year too. Then Seattle out-everythinged them.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

The Bills led 21-0 at halftime in their $1.4 billion stadium's first game. The public paid for a good chunk of the building. The team paid Dawson Knox. Only one of those investments scored twice on opening night.

The Patriots lost the Super Bowl. Tom Brady watched from the booth and aged for the first time in public.