Too Soonjokes

CUNY spent two years fighting a public records request, then the records showed the public university owns Lockheed, Raytheon, Palantir, and two private prison companies. The students learned more from the lawsuit than the tuition.

India held elections in four states and governments flipped in three. A billion people changed their minds in three weeks. In America it takes four years and a lawsuit.

New York's public university system invests in private prisons and weapons makers. The tuition goes up every year. The portfolio's doing great. The students are the only asset that's depreciating.

Tupac's killer was convicted in Las Vegas after 30 years. He'd been telling the story on camera for a decade. Vegas finally found the one guy who didn't understand what happens in Vegas.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.

Thieves cut four paintings out of their frames in a museum heist that took minutes, a year after the Louvre lost the crown jewels in eight. Europe's museums are now the only places where the exit is faster than the entrance.