Too Soonjokes

Practical Magic 2 was written by three screenwriters, produced by both stars, and based on a book nobody read. That's not a sequel, that's a settlement.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.

The Pitt leads the Emmys with 25 nominations. It's a show about an ER where nobody gets paid enough and everyone dies on a schedule. The Academy loves a documentary.

Practical Magic 2 opened yesterday. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witches whose curse kills every man they love. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up. Also true of most marriages, and the Rams' defense.

Practical Magic 2 opens today. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are back as witches whose curse says every man they love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up, and honestly, same as most marriages.

Practical Magic 2 cost $130 million and opens against a Resident Evil reboot. Witches versus zombies. Two franchises about women who can't die and men who deserve to.