A $5,000 check if you vote the right way. They used to do this with jobs and a handshake. Now it's Venmo and a threat. Democracy has a cash-back program.
Related jokes
The Supreme Court tossed the mail-voting restrictions the same week a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you get it right. The Post Office has to touch both.
by Anonymous · 70% say too soon (984 votes)
The Supreme Court tossed the White House's mail-voting restrictions four days after a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot, and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you fill it out correctly. The Post Office is the only branch that has to touch both.
by Anonymous · 54% say too soon (158 votes)
The NYT reports a billionaire got a pardon weeks after his family company gave Alina Habba a $50 million job. Justice isn't blind, she's just looking at her Venmo.
by Anonymous · 85% say too soon (1911 votes)
Trump says the Iran war will end "very soon, probably right after the midterms." First war in history with a campaign schedule. Shock and awe, then get out the vote.
by Anonymous · 21% say too soon (1596 votes)
Trump says the war is "3 to 4 weeks away" from ending, but also the threat could be wiped out "in one night." So somewhere between a long weekend and a Netflix limited series.
by Anonymous · 52% say too soon (1009 votes)
Trump on Iran: "I'm trying to be nice, we've got to deal with somebody." Same speech every guy gives right before his third divorce.
by Anonymous · 33% say too soon (2012 votes)
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