Too Soonjokes

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.

Trump called the Iran war "small potatoes" and "not a big thing." Six months, thousands dead, gas at $5. If that's small potatoes, the man's never bought groceries, which we knew.

Trump says the US has "essentially" taken over Iran. Essentially is the word you use when you've taken over the part of Iran that's on fire.

Trump says the war ends "immediately after the election" and gas stays high till November because Iran wants to sway the vote. So the war has a release date and the troops don't.

JD Vance said he doesn't consider the Iran war a war. Trump brushed him off. The vice president got overruled on the definition of the thing he'd be running if the president tripped. That's the job.