Too Soonjokes

Ben Shelton beat Tiafoe and plays Zverev Sunday for the first American men's major in 23 years. Zverev's quote: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." A German rooting against the American dream in New York. That's the first honest villain the city's had since the Yankees.

Tiafoe and Shelton play an all-American semifinal Friday. Two American men in the final four for the first time since the sport was affordable. The winner faces a German or a Russian in the final, which is also the plot of every 20th-century war we won.

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Tiafoe versus Shelton is the first all-American men's semi in years. The winner will have to play the German in the final. This is the plot of every war we've won since 1917, but with better shoes.

Ben Shelton beat Alcaraz at 3:30 in the morning, the latest finish in US Open history. Twenty-three thousand people watched the sun come up at a tennis match and took the 7 train to work. That's not a tournament, that's a shift.

Shelton dedicated the win to his grandmother, who got his father into tennis. His father coached him from the box. Three generations to make one final, and the German across the net will try to end it in three hours.