Too Soonjokes

The Emmys are Monday with Mariska Hargitay hosting, jokes by Colbert's writers. Twenty-seven years playing a sex crimes detective, then three hours in a room of TV executives. It's the first awards show where the host has the audience's case file.

The Emmys are Sunday, hosted by Mariska Hargitay, who's played a sex crimes detective for 27 years. It's the first time an awards show host arrived with the right background check.

The Emmys are Sunday, hosted by Mariska Hargitay, the first woman to host in fifteen years. She's played a sex crimes detective for 27 seasons. Finally, someone with the right resume for a Hollywood awards show.

Mariska Hargitay is hosting the Emmys. She's spent 27 years on Law & Order: SVU. Sunday will be the first time she's in a room full of TV executives without needing a warrant.

Practical Magic 2 opened today, 28 years after the first one, about two witches whose men keep dying. The Emmys are Monday. Fashion Week is through the 15th. The country's on fire in four time zones, and Hollywood's offering witches, a red carpet, and a $12,000 coat. That's not escapism, that's a closing argument.

I Love Lucy is getting the first Emmy Legacy Award, 75 years after it aired. Lucille Ball was 40 when the show started and Hollywood considered her finished. She outlived the studio, the network's original owners, and every man who said no. That's the legacy. The statue's a formality.