Too Soonjokes

CENTCOM destroyed five Iranian oil tankers in one night and posted the video. Iran fired 20 missiles at a base in Jordan and hit sand. The war's now a group chat where one side sends videos and the other sends threats.

Iran's foreign minister posted on X that the sanctions are "a rehash of a failed strategy." He posted it on a platform banned in Iran, from a country that can't export oil, in a language most of his citizens can't read online. Every part of that sentence is a strategy.

Goldman Sachs says oil could go higher if the tanker attacks continue. Goldman Sachs also owns the tankers, the insurance on the tankers, and the fund that bet on the tankers. They call it "analysis." The rest of us call it a receipt.

Iran hit tankers, we hit the coast, the Houthis took a port, and oil's at $100. On the 9/11 anniversary, the Middle East is the one thing America has consistently remembered to bomb for 25 years.

Day 200 of the war is Sunday. Two hundred days. The Pentagon has a name for every tanker it's sunk, the president has a date for when it ends, and the troops have a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.