Too Soonjokes

This week the country's most honest sentence was "it depends," its most expensive was "$5,000," and its most repeated was "never forget." The most accurate one was in Melbourne: "I could barely see the field." Same.

This week's most honest sentence was still "it depends." The most expensive was "$5,000." The most repeated was "never forget." The most accurate was Zverev's: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." At least he said the quiet part in an accent.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

The NFL's Melbourne game drew 100,021 people and the front row couldn't see the field. The league sold a rectangle in an oval. Geometry calls it a refund. The NFL calls it the fastest-growing market in the world.

Myles Garrett flew 16 hours to Melbourne, recorded zero of anything, and admitted the knee is worse than anyone said. The Rams traded for a $40 million defender and got a very expensive seat upgrade.