Too Soonjokes

Sam Darnold's hip is "a muscle strain," the Seahawks say, and Drew Lock will start. Darnold got $100 million and six plays. Lock got a roster spot and a win. The NFL calls it next man up. Darnold's accountant calls it a rounding error with a limp.

Sam Darnold: $100 million, banner raised, six snaps, hospital. Drew Lock started Week 2 and the Seahawks are still fine. Seattle's quarterback plan is to keep signing guys until one of them is standing at the end of the year. It's a survivor pool with a cap number.

Darnold went down on the sixth snap with a hip injury and spent the night in the hospital. He signed for $100 million last year. That's $16 million a play, which is still cheaper than what Iran's paying per tanker.

The NFL's Melbourne game drew 100,021 people and the front row couldn't see the field. The league sold a rectangle in an oval. Geometry calls it a refund. The NFL calls it the fastest-growing market in the world.

Darnold's hip was CT-scanned, MRI'd, and ruled "not fractured." The Seahawks called it "good news." In Seattle, good news is when your $100 million quarterback can still sit.

Fantasy football: 40 million men who can't budget their own money managing an imaginary roster with the intensity of a coroner.